In rural villages all over DR Congo you will find women who have been victims of rape. The stories are endless. Of how soldiers of one militia or other have used rape as a weapon of war and violence.
In the UK, in April, Brian Witty was found guilty for a series of date rapes. He had met his victims on a dating website, taken them to his flat and raped them. His crimes had been reported to the police within hours of the assaults. Each time, he had been arrested and freed. He got away with it for 16 years, because he insisted that the sexual encounters had been consensual.
In May, an Australian speedway champion was charged with sexual assault. The jury heard that he and two other men had taken a drunken woman to a hotel room, where one of the men was filming. The sexual encounter with the speedway champion involved the use of a vodka bottle and make-up tube. The third man, age 17, fled the scene because of the appearance of blood, which scared him.
It was claimed that the woman ‘enjoyed’ the experience and the defence counsel stated that, ‘Drunk consent is nonetheless consent’. The jury, who saw the video, found the man not guilty.
Reporting a sexual assault is a horrible process; it’s not something you want to embark on unless you have a deep sense of being violated.
It comes from the feeling that you have been wronged, used and abused. That your freedom and personal integrity has been impinged on by others. That you were powerless. You may have even feared for your life.
Every accusation of sexual assault has a different story. A different scenario. But in each case a woman will have had a similar experience, an inability to stop what was happening.
It is important we address the causes. And look at the attitudes of the men involved.
Whether the assaults are brutal as in DR Congo, or occur because someone has spiked your drink, there is a commonality. Someone has ignored the essence of who you are and what you really feel.
It is this lack of caring – of emotional disconnect that is at the heart of it all.
In a way, the discussions about terminology are irrelevant when we take things down to that basic level.
When a woman feels her body has not been treated with love and affection then it is a violation, no matter what the word is.
And this too goes for all forms of violence against women. Violence is always a violation.
Many people believe that the sexualisation of women in the media is to blame; the disconnect from sexuality and emotion. The belief that women are objects of gratification.
We need to go deeper. We need to look at why so many men want an excuse to separate sexuality from feeling. And look at how to address that.
Christine Crowstaff (@safeworld4women) is the founder of Safeworld for Women, a global advocacy and media NGO, which campaigns for women and children.
Join us & share your views regarding these and other relevant questions @SWSCmedia Tuesday (28 August 2012) 8:00 PM BST (UK) / 3:00 PM EDT (Eastern Time USA) / 12:00 PT.
Uma coisa é certa o ser humano tem duas caras os homens tem um ponto fraco sobre as mulheres e muitos deles abusam desse ponto Outro ponto a sua infancia e quando chega adulto tenta fazer o que os outros adultos faziam a puberdade as mundaças biologicas quando o corpo desenvolve-se fisica e mentalmente e torna-se maduro esta parte da puberdade também temos que contar com o feminino somos tudos filhos do Adão e Eva e a ultima é um doente mental ele faz isso porque é uma pessoa viciosa
I don’t think it’s only the emotional disconnect, though that is certainly a factor. It’s also a deep sense of entitlement which many men have, to penetrate women whether women want that penetration at that particular time or not. I don’t think we can tackle rape and sexual assault, without looking at men’s assumption of entitlement to sexual access to women in certain circumstances. Most rapes are not the stranger in dark alley with knife type, they are men known to their victims and in many cases, good friends or colleagues or even partners. Those men would never feel entitled to rape an unknown woman in a dark alley – they understand that that is wrong and they classify it as “real rape” but they do feel entitled to rape their friends, lovers or colleagues because of a set of assumptions that says at a certain point, they are entitled to enter that woman’s body whether she wants them to or not, and not call that rape. I think we need to address that.